Glimmers

I went to Alaska to see my daughter get married, went on some more bad interviews and finally wound up with a parttime job in a local nursing home.

Yay!

I can now pay my bills. And if I still get five days a month of substitute teaching, I can pay my student loans. So there is a glimmer of hope for this almost fifty-three year old graduate nurse.

There still won't be any extras around here. I won't be buying the living room rug I've wanted for eight years. If anything bad happens, I'll be scrambling. But I think this job will grow into something else in the future.

I feel like my DON has taken me under her wing. She wants me to learn more and be able to fill in more positions. That's fine with me! Extra hours always help.

It takes me four minutes to get to work. The nurses have all been very nice and encouraging to me. I've already fallen in love with the residents. I work only every other weekend, so I have weekdays to schedule appointments and help Benjamin with his schoolwork, or substitute teach. I will be working only when the boys are gone anyway.

I am essentially a warm body with a degree. I fulfill the requirement for eight hours of RN coverage during the day. I am responsible for "treatments", or what I call wound care. I also check orders to make sure they are recorded in the correct places and that the proper parties are notified. Eventually, I will learn how to do admit paperwork, do scheduling, and be a true "supervisor."

Sometimes I think to myself, I'm not really a nurse. I don't have a full time job. Then I think about all the good things about my situation and I feel as though God has his hand on me, shaping me life into exactly what it needs to be, for now.

Heart of the Matter

The reason I went to nursing school is that I felt a calling. I was watching a movie with my family and there was one scene that was very touching. I heard a voice saying, you can do that, you can help people, go be a nurse.

I had no desire at all to go back to school. I already had one degree that was doing me no good. I didn't want another one. I had a simple, happy life. And as they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But I couldn't ignore this. It was just as real to me as my children sitting next to me on the couch. And I did feel a desire to be a friend to older people and be able to help them. So, even with no science background at all, I began to make sense of it.

Everything fell into place for me. I finished my prerequisites with a 4.0. I began a love affair with the human body, both structure and physiology. I was admitted to an accelerated nursing program while many were being turned away from ANY program. I finished nursing school in fifteen months with A's and B's and one C. I never missed a clinical day, was never late. My teachers liked me. My preceptors liked me. I got good comments on my evaluations. My boyfriend helped with the children and cooked for us on clinical days. It worked out. I believed with all my heart that I was following the path that had been set before me, even though it was not a path I would have chosen for myself.

And now I cannot find a job. But what that really means in my own heart language is that I am not needed.

I could not figure out why I felt so incredibly bad during my job hunt. How could I get so down after just a few rejections. And the reason is: I thought I would be needed.

I am not.

It is like cooking a meal for someone who has already eaten on the way home. What am I going to do with all this food? Of course, the "food" is unnecessary education, a depleted savings account, and a mountain of debt.

Another Route Revisited

I went to the school nurse's office today. As soon as she saw me she said, "I know what we're supposed to do now."

She took my phone number and sent me to the administration office to sign volunteer papers. This girl is helpful and efficient. I can't wait to work with her!

I filled out my papers and they told me they had to check out any HIPPA rules I would need to sign off on. I told her I had been trained out the wazoo on HIPPA. Still I have to wait til she calls me to begin volunteering.

I checked my bank account today. It doesn't look good. I won't last much longer. I started the application for food stamps out of desperation.

I began filling out the application for flu shot clinics. Their website says, graduate nurses are welcome! I nearly fainted!

Tomorrow I will send a thankyou note to the lady who never called me back...

Another Route

So I called the administrative office and found out that my name has never been removed from the substitute list! I updated my information for her: phone number, degrees earned, etc.. It's really a little embarrassing how much education I have, but I told her my whole sad story.

Then she asked if I would like to be a substitute school nurse.

What?

I never thought of that!

So I will go through with my original plan to train with the school nurse and maybe that will work out to be to my advantage here. Somehow.

I feel a very pensive post coming on... Stay tuned.

Surprise!

No phone call.

More applications.

I'm going to the administration office to tell them I want to substitute teach again. This is ridiculous. Maybe I can give flu shots on the weekends, too, just to make ends meet.

Day Off

I'm not worrying about a job today. I even threw caution to the wind yesterday and bought the boys lunch at Taco Bell!

Maybe D will take me to the Yamboree and buy me a funnel cake tonight.

I'm reading "A Beautiful Mind." It's really nice to not be in nursing school anymore. Now I can read what I want. And put the book down when I want.

Glimmer of Hope

Trying to put some space between my eloquence and the ads.

Ha.

I had an interview today. It's funny how you start answering every phone call you get whether you know the number or not, when you're trying to find a job.

So I went ahead and told the ADON my strengths and weaknesses. I just thought, hang it all, I'm not going to try to say what I think she wants me to say. I'm going to say what I want to say, and what's true, and what I care about.

I think she liked it.

There is no day shift work available, but 10-6 would work fairly well for me and D. and the boys. I told her this and she offered to try to shuffle some things around and get back to me on Monday.

This the closest I've gotten yet.